"The grass always looked greener on the other side."

"The grass always looked greener on the other side."

I guess most of you have heard of it, just how many of you have actually firsthand experienced it yourself? I did, and i feel such a joke.

It's ridiculous how i have always expected myself to be lousy and negatively minded about my results, that it is not good enough, i have done badly, results that really made me wanna cry. I did this alot of times, only to get reprimandation from other people, whose results were not better off either, or in some cases, worse.

It makes me feel very bad, when i do that and they really can't help but mind, cause their results is lousy than mine. I checked out on the website and the truth dawned on me. I am a neurotic perfectionist who had low self esteem. Sure, is that a excuse? I think not.

One moment, it might seem that some others are excelling better in other subjects than others, but technically, all humans are weak right? As in, every one of us have weaknesses right?! Yes, i guess so. But that thought NEVER ever OCCURED to me.

All i was thinking, how could i?! how could i have performed so badly? And slowly i started to realize, yes stress and pressure might be factors leading to excellence in studies however, most importantly, is whether ultimately YOU TRY YOUR BEST.

I always realize that, I don't need comparison. I don't need competition for motivation. I just need my own ideals to strive for. And that is ultimate perfection, as a ultimatum, which you might say, is IMPOSSIBLE, but i can try right?! I don't have to be one of the top people, which i would love to be, but SO LONG MY CONSCIENCE IS CLEAR, I'm genuinely CONTENTED (not forced by other people) with my grades, and I DID MY BEST - that is enough. For me and my parents, yes.

I'm not going to be one of those girls who act like they are stupid and end up acing the examinations. It's just a facade, it's stupid. Wake up. So what if you're stupid? Are you still human? Yes. You think you're making people feel better if you're stupid as well? No. You think you can fit in with the less academically-inclined people? Maybe yes. But eventually, they will find out your true colours and feel even more hurt that you have purposely done that to them. Sure, your intentions are good, but is that wise? You end up underminding your potential, limiting yourself and even find yourself the object of gossip at the end of the day. IS IT WORTH IT?

I doubt so, although ironically, i have somehow became one of these girls without knowing. It is revolting to me and very extremely disgusting to digest this fact. I hate being the source of motivation. I'm not bragging here, but i seriously dislike attention. I just want to do my best, and thats' it. I don't want to get distracted by competition. Yes, i admit that i hate losing. But technically, at the end of the day, what matters is what you learn, not anything else. Whether you are top of the leaderboard in school, is not important.

Yeah, and thats' me yakking away nonsense.
Bye.