Apology Letter .
Well. Haha. Firstly, I want to apologize for not posting any more of my works or blog journals up on the blog. I seriously have no inspiration. I don't think I'm in a mood to do anything else anyways. The truth is , I feel damn lazy to do anything . what a pity .
Secondly, this thought has been haunting me for a while. I feel that everyone I know is getting further and further away from me. Jean , Yuliah , Guna and so on and so furth .
One thing is for sure, I'm being truely unfair to you guys (or girls if you prefer). I have no right to call you my good friend if I don't treat you like one. Good friends don't just play and have fun with each other. They trust each other. It just so happens that I find myself unable to trust anyone. I mean anyone. After all I've been through for the last 2 years, I don't think I will ever trust a friend ever again.
To think of what they did to me for the past 2 years, I really cannot help but to wonder how I got through the 2 years.. I still can hear Fontaine saying something like,"Eh. You look so dirty today. Did you comb your hair or wash it ?" Of course I tried to look like I didn't care but inside, I was heartbroken. Why did they do this to me? Why me? Im not supposed to be their friend meh ?
The worst of them all was Mandy. She had the dirties mouth of them all. I would always be the one to do whatever she wanted. I wouldn't mind because it gave me a short feeling of happiness to even be hanging out with them. I was just sad it had to be this way. We were the best of friends .. she would stand up for me . Until p6 the real hell began . We were in different classes . She changed a lot . I met her occasionally in STEP class. She ignored me certainly . My other best friend who was also in STEP told me to break off all friendship with her . I didnt know what had conspired her to do so . I realized . She spread rumours about me . She even used a scissors sharp edge to write Fuck Felicia . Haiz .
Moral of the story: After all the abuse I've been through in P5 and P6, I don't think I ever want to try to get close enough to another friend ever again. They just suck. Bitches.But i know .. Its juz pressure on them to behave well and so on and so forth .
My life only brightened up when I met Jaya and so on .. But i know .. she still can make my life hell with or without them .
I hope I will though. It hinders me from ever trusting anyone for fear of betrayal. Seriously. I don't want to be alone. No. Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone. Though I can feel the growing gap between us. I don't think I can ever keep a friendship strong.
Its injustice for me to steal you away when you can get better friends than me. I will never be a good friend. Its a snowball effect for me. The problem just grows till it grows too tough for me to handle and I just collapse. I have no hope. Don't waste your time on me.
The same story keeps continuing . I have no idea why . It happened this year too with a girl who with me share a common interest . We started pals but ended enemies . She would call me fucker , stingy girl so on and so forth . She acts nice but she could bite you the next second . You never would know . She acts nice to me in front of all the nice classmates i have . But when im not noticing or what .. she would talk to her friends and spread tales about me . She was unreasonable . She wanted to break our friendship ties cuz my friend , a guy who i met online traded with her on suitable terms . But becuz i didnt know whether the value of the item has dropped or not .. she became nasty to me .
Forget it all . I cnot be firm friends with anyone anylonger . Perhaps juz friends might suit me . I cnt stand it . What if a person i thought was a friend blackmail and betray me again and talk behind my back . Act friends one seconds and a enemy the nxt .
I cnnot take any chances . I'm not in the mood to make friends with anyone who i dunno . So far , i made a couple of friends who are friendly . We are located in different classes but we still can chat about other stuff .
The bad part is , i guess . I canot afford to make any effort and tell ppl about my secrets . Thats bad ..
I wonder and ponder over the most is why ppl would make it their way to totally hate me . I did not do anything yet im most ppl's yan zhong ding .
Well. Haha. Firstly, I want to apologize for not posting any more of my works or blog journals up on the blog. I seriously have no inspiration. I don't think I'm in a mood to do anything else anyways. The truth is , I feel damn lazy to do anything . what a pity .
Secondly, this thought has been haunting me for a while. I feel that everyone I know is getting further and further away from me. Jean , Yuliah , Guna and so on and so furth .
One thing is for sure, I'm being truely unfair to you guys (or girls if you prefer). I have no right to call you my good friend if I don't treat you like one. Good friends don't just play and have fun with each other. They trust each other. It just so happens that I find myself unable to trust anyone. I mean anyone. After all I've been through for the last 2 years, I don't think I will ever trust a friend ever again.
To think of what they did to me for the past 2 years, I really cannot help but to wonder how I got through the 2 years.. I still can hear Fontaine saying something like,"Eh. You look so dirty today. Did you comb your hair or wash it ?" Of course I tried to look like I didn't care but inside, I was heartbroken. Why did they do this to me? Why me? Im not supposed to be their friend meh ?
The worst of them all was Mandy. She had the dirties mouth of them all. I would always be the one to do whatever she wanted. I wouldn't mind because it gave me a short feeling of happiness to even be hanging out with them. I was just sad it had to be this way. We were the best of friends .. she would stand up for me . Until p6 the real hell began . We were in different classes . She changed a lot . I met her occasionally in STEP class. She ignored me certainly . My other best friend who was also in STEP told me to break off all friendship with her . I didnt know what had conspired her to do so . I realized . She spread rumours about me . She even used a scissors sharp edge to write Fuck Felicia . Haiz .
Moral of the story: After all the abuse I've been through in P5 and P6, I don't think I ever want to try to get close enough to another friend ever again. They just suck. Bitches.But i know .. Its juz pressure on them to behave well and so on and so forth .
My life only brightened up when I met Jaya and so on .. But i know .. she still can make my life hell with or without them .
I hope I will though. It hinders me from ever trusting anyone for fear of betrayal. Seriously. I don't want to be alone. No. Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone. Though I can feel the growing gap between us. I don't think I can ever keep a friendship strong.
Its injustice for me to steal you away when you can get better friends than me. I will never be a good friend. Its a snowball effect for me. The problem just grows till it grows too tough for me to handle and I just collapse. I have no hope. Don't waste your time on me.
The same story keeps continuing . I have no idea why . It happened this year too with a girl who with me share a common interest . We started pals but ended enemies . She would call me fucker , stingy girl so on and so forth . She acts nice but she could bite you the next second . You never would know . She acts nice to me in front of all the nice classmates i have . But when im not noticing or what .. she would talk to her friends and spread tales about me . She was unreasonable . She wanted to break our friendship ties cuz my friend , a guy who i met online traded with her on suitable terms . But becuz i didnt know whether the value of the item has dropped or not .. she became nasty to me .
Forget it all . I cnot be firm friends with anyone anylonger . Perhaps juz friends might suit me . I cnt stand it . What if a person i thought was a friend blackmail and betray me again and talk behind my back . Act friends one seconds and a enemy the nxt .
I cnnot take any chances . I'm not in the mood to make friends with anyone who i dunno . So far , i made a couple of friends who are friendly . We are located in different classes but we still can chat about other stuff .
The bad part is , i guess . I canot afford to make any effort and tell ppl about my secrets . Thats bad ..
I wonder and ponder over the most is why ppl would make it their way to totally hate me . I did not do anything yet im most ppl's yan zhong ding .
posted by Vintage Toys at
5:48 PM
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