Hurt

It didn't always matter because you were there.
It didn't used to hurt as much because you were there.
I didn't cared for such issues because you were there.
I mean what i say and do.

Believe me.

just that you never do,
never ever seem to believe me.
never ever seem to care.
never ever seem to love me.

i got nothing better else to say.

everytime it ends up with me crying. and nothing good ever happens out of it.
i tried my best to salvate everything, initating contact and trying to break out of the dark silence.

did you ever know,
that i'm scared i might lose you?

did you ever know,
i'm scared of cold lonely eerie silence?

anyway, it doesn't matter to you, so why am i mentioning it out?
you never gave me a reply.
you left me dang-ling alone in the thread which you created.
you just simply kill me off with your hurting words.

doesn't matter.

since you're not willing to continue, why should i be the stupid one to take up the needle and sew up the gaps?

"It takes two hands to clap, a minute to break off a everlasting relationship."
" You can repair a broken handphone, but can you ever repair a broken relationship? It will never be the same."

finished tests, results were generally alright except for chem.

I'm going to fail mathematics, disappoint everybody who have been there for me.

tmr camp.
going to treat it as a escape.
a escape away from the frank and everchanging reality.
to escape my worries and fears.
to get up on my two legs and start anew as nothing had ever happened.

just got convinced that i'm just a good-for-nothing.
i can't do everything right,
do everything to the best of my ability,
to love others wholeheartedly,
to prove my words true.

yes you might say, no matter what i still love you.

you know what? I stopp-ed believing in that.

stopp-ed being so stupid.
stopp-ed being so trustful.
stopp-ed being friendly, loving and nice.

cause i'm not me.

who am i?
can anybody tell me?

hao xiang duo lou jiu qu si le.

i wonder how death looks like.

bye.