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today, was the day that we all received news whether we would be promoted, as in 4E next year, retain in 3E next year or advanced to 4NA ofcourse.

I had already prepared myself that i will definitely pass this time and go to 4E.
true to my words, the only confident sentence i feel really came true.
but i still found myself crying.

it all started when i saw angie crying.
i went over, then asyraf was there patting her.
then asyraf started crying too.
i was there comforting them.
then after that i went back to my seat.
somehow, i started crying.

later on, after everything was over,
i went to 3B to talk to huaiyue they all.
end up, just the first sentence,"I can't believe it.."
and i just started crying.

i'm just such a emotional crybaby emo wannabe.

alot of people were astonished, cause they all said, eh, you never pass english meh, why cry? damn funny lei, get promote still cry.

dunno, my mind is filled with why at this point in time.
part of my wishful thinking was that everybody would be able to go up to 4E together next year, 3A will become 4A without any changes.. then we would all be able to succeed together as graduates of sqss.

.. i wish, so much that it was all true.

now i also feel like crying upon thinking about it..
some people, i must admit wasn't very close to me, but in fact, i have already regarded them as classmates alr(=

i know that 3A isn't very united as a class, and i admit, there were conflicts at the start of the year, i was confused because 3A wasn't what i had expected, totally the opposite.

3A was loud, hyper, noisy, talkative - all the things i didn't expect at all.
i found it very hard to fit in, sometimes i felt like a loner.
i didn't think that i was suited to being at 3A at first..
if not for kirin, mary, inshirah who shared common goals with me,
asyraf, eivriel, dexter, cheryl and so many people who aimed to compete with me,
i have to say, i wouldn't be the person i would be today.

things change. people's feelings change over time.
true, thats what that happened.
i no longer thought of being alone in one class.
i found good friends, competitors, people who were trying their best like siuwai.
it really amazed me, i was very shocked when their hard work paid off.
i was really glad for them.
in a way, i felt ashamed of myself, for not improving myself.
i started to drift into a holiday mood after mid year was over.
like slack, read books and everything else.
ofcourse, my grades slipped and i had to catch up.
this time eoy, i panicked.
and i put too much stress in myself,
resulting in a total screw up.
i regretted it.
i never wanted that to happen again.

i realized that over time, i was getting attached to 3A, the people there.
i started to understand that we do bond, just in different ways.
sec3 camp was the turning point.
i really enjoyed the times together, playing with water, teamworking, helping each other out, those were the days, singing my guardian angel..and everything else, it was like a extended sec3 camp in my memories at the start of school, everybody was like, singing the camp song and everything else.

they say, in life, you will definitely experience a group of triplets: Loss, Regret & Cherish in a point of your life. Loss comes when you had something good going ahead for you, like talents or somethings like friendships but you didn't make full use of it, didn't appreciate it, and took it for granted - as if the world owes you something, and ended up losing it for good. Regret comes into your heart, more of your guilty conscience when you realized what you had, was what you lost in the midst of everything and it was just the most important thing that you really needed, to complete yourself, yet it's missing. You start to feel sorry for neglecting it, promising to take care of it if it's given to you a second chance. As for the last triplet, Cherish comes in the form of second chances. If you're given a second chance at life, at starting a new you, a ending marks the start of a beginning, do appreciate the chance that you have been given, the second opportunity.

i hope that everybody gets what i mean, if you even read this at all.
it does not mean that retaining back in 3E, going to 4NA or promoting to 4E means that you're all good. We still have a long way to go. Our foundation is still weak - we need to put in more effort. Our standard, can easily give to one of the top school's students and they will score sky high and call our standard "chicken feet" and look down on us. Prove it to them, and yourself, that you can make it.

For those who are not going to promote.

Eivriel - I kinda felt disappointed when i understood from your blog posts that you're not expecting to go up. Remember your promise to me, and do well k. (: Seriously, it's going to be weird for me, suddenly less of somebody to tease me suntan and all that, somebody who continually fights me for my best friend, comparing who talks to her more and all the details. I'll definitely miss you, your cartoons which are really drawn pretty well, the jokes you crack when we talk online, your efforts to cheer people up when you are really very down. Baka! Make me cry. Do well next year, don't disappoint the expectations we have of you (: I'm not evil, i'm human, muhahahaha xD.

Alson - I was shocked initally when you came to my class, cause we didn't talk much in primary school, kinda like ignore each other existance, diff class ma and you liked to slack so much. Honestly, i always thought you're the bo chap type. But after sometime when really chat with you online, its like you're a different person, got life, got everything else. Hahas, remember your promise, you can definitely do it if you work hard, we'll be there waiting for your results next year. Stop thinking of becoming god. If you want to be god, first settle your studies k? And, stop provoking me, i can turn violent one, if you keep insisting that you purposely give chance for the sec2 cohort this year next year, you have already done one year, well ahead of them so you should generally do better. I await your results next year ^^, jiayou! I have to admit, i was kinda shocked when ms quah say you retain, cause we came to this school from the same primary school and i kinda expected you to go up with us, but its okay, so long you jiayou.

Yihao - We never really talked in secondary one, cause that time everybody was estranged from each other. But as time goes by, 3 years of being in the same class, the feeling of being classmates with you isn't too bad, when you purposely try to crack jokes, to cheer people up. And i also remember, during the F&N cooking trial thingy, i couldn't open the can, and you helped me, thanks lots. You're definitely going to be one of those people who i am going to miss next year. I'm glad that you thought about it, to do well for sec3. Goodluck, and i hope you will be able to promote next year. Jiayou, you can definitely make it :D

Era - I'm always seated behind you for the last three years. Hahas, or maybe two and a half year, so long alr. I'm really going not be very used to not having you seated infront of me for exams next year, probably i would be moved a few seats infront, dawr, very stress sia! Being classmates with you have really made me Buck up on your studies - we can all see your efforts in trying to pull up your grades in this eoy.(: Continue working hard and prove yourself(:!

Joseph - The most creative guy that i have ever seen. I still can remember your HE design last year, it was damn creative lah. And the cockroach joke, was definitely not funny! It was scary ._.". Although we don't talk much, i'm not even sure whether you regard me as a classmate or a intruder, i really liked you as a classmate. I'll miss you, definitely.

Yunhui&Jinhui - I don't really know you guys well, but i can sense that you have already tried your best efforts. It was definitely crazy having both of you in my class. Your enthusiasm kinda sparked up this class. Continue working hard k, (:

Amanda - I kinda regret starting off with you at bad terms. After the three years, i realized that you are not really what you seem. On the outside, you may seem very cold and everything else, unlike a human being, inside you're the most vulnerable. I hope you will continue working hard, top in english girl! (:

there's just so much more that i wanted to say to so much more people, but thats how much i can think of at the current moment.
sorry, stm problem working full time. hahas(:

i'm determined, tmr no waterworks, no tears, make it a happy affair, i don't want to spoil everybody's mood by crying halfway through, cause i seriously can't stand the thought of having people who have been classmates for three years gone just like that, i really wouldn't get used to it at all. I'll definitely miss you guys okay, (:

Cmon, you failed once, but you're given a second chance. Look at the bright side of it, it means you have a second try to make things right for yourself, don't disappoint yourself and others, do your best next year, if you need any help, you can definitely find me! (:

yeah, quite lengthy post actually(:
i think i'll leave it at that.