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i feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel stupid.
stupid, stupid, idiot, retard, useless.

i never knew, i could get to hate the computer so much.
i never knew, getting good grades or passable results could make me so depressed.
what a irony.

i don't know what i can say to cheer the people up.
they all seem so depressed.
and every step i go towards them, it just serves them a reminder and make them feel worse,
and towards myself, bitter.

what the hell is happening.
i miss the good old days.
can i just rewind time and go back to a long long time ago, where there was no worries, and i was carefree being the person i was once?
i miss it all.
the cheerful laugher, the smiling faces, the feeling of being loved.

sometimes, i can't breathe.
there's something inside my heart that prevents me from breathing.
its suffocating me.
sad looking faces of people as they cry upon looking at their results.
my mind is telling me, that they are blaming me for my own existance.

how silly.
how stupid,
maybe i'm just a fool afterall.
to think that i could be one of them.
i never was, and never will be.
and it was so obvious right from the start.
it's not me.
and never will be me.

if i never existed in this world,
would they be happier?

i wonder.

can't help feeling useless.
whatever i say, just adds salt to the wound inflicted.
its no use trying.
i have already tried my best.
whatelse can i do?
the pathetic feeling.
this must be what hnin experienced during her two years here.
hai.

i am just so USELESS.
DUMB,
RETARDED,
just simply, so STUPID.

nobody will ever love me.

look in the mirror,
who will ever love you?
you dumb, retarded, stupid idiot.
and you look so ugly too.

whirl around, and behind you is plain old me.

i can't continue to smile, pretend that nothing happened.

i'm not okay, not at all.
hao bu kai xin D: