what a parody.

my whole body ache like hell,
bruising all over.
stupid f&n.
just for the cooking examination,
i had to take not one, not two, but THREE bags -.-
one at the right, another at the left, and at the back? my actual schoolbag -.-
this is so sucky.
i got late (when i just said that i might get late the day before)
Hah.
got detention, didn't go.
i finished clearing up things at 3.
reached tution around 4+ to 5,
left at 7-8+

LOL, i have reached the phrase where i have been pushed, until cannot push alr.
too stress, until i even forgot what it felt not be stressed.
ridiculous.
i'm just so sick and tired of seeing the same old thing,
triangles repeating themselves in various forms and sizes,
using the cosine, sine, area of triangle,
remembering toa cah soh,
spending over five minutes pondering over the question,
figuring out what the bloody question is talking about.

today my whole body ache like hell
and oh great, because of the 'baking chicken' joke,
everybody around me keep asking me whether the chicken bake hao le ma.
-faint.
success though after all the efforts,
though the result at the end of 20minutes was UNCOOKED,
so cook somemore, cook at least 30minutes,
so my poor fried rice got slightly cold -.-

spent the second day with qing bin from shekou school, china.
he is damn intelligent lah.
-amazed.
he learned trigonometry by his own can.
and then things i dunno, he know lei!
-feels dumb.
okay, so it ended up HE TEACHING ME,
instead of opposite (sound strange)
for both maths and physics.
amanda was distracted by the sound we were racking,
discussing on how to solve the question and on the various formulaes.
i learnt how to speak density, melting point, periodic table, boiling point LEI!
(:!
so proud of myself,
except his so qianta,
ask me everytime he see me.
it was damn sad when i had to bade farewell to him.
he was quite a nice guy.
damn smart one.
recess, around the last 5minutes, brought him around the school,
just the outdoor classroom.
:D
the farewell speech went like this,
you're like a second mother to me ("feels old")
and,
i really enjoyed the times,
thankyou for bringing me around,
thanks alot for the welcome ..
so sweet can.
and i especially went to lower sec assembly.
he sang the 'I believe i can fly' song,
omg, nicenice lol,
except the part where he sing one line, ppl clap, until he cannot sing the whole song perfectly, hahahas!

watched the performance by 3express and 3normal academic,
damn nice,
damn "power"!
really look forward to their performance for us on thursday.

somehow, i keep finding myself tired.
i'm very scared that it will kinda affect my grades.
everytime i hear the result slip.
i get very tensed up.
it has gotten worse,
now my whole character is just based on 'results' and nothing else.
it used to be heck care for sec one,
im terrified that i will retain for sec two,
i want cry alr, for sec three,
so how about sec four?
die liao lah.
im bloody terrified of failing comb.sciences,
i wanted A1,
end up,
maybe i'll get C6.
):
stupid physics.

im going to prepare the gifts for the september babies,
more than half are completed alr,
just a little more :D
friday then can give them :D
happybirthday in advance ^^


somehow i feel very sombre and dejected,
its like,
nobody really treats me like a girl.
sure, im a girl inside out,
but its either, im one of the guys or im just one of all the random strangers you meet,
nothing special, nothing less, nothing more.
just another one of those commonplace people you meet.
nothing memorable,
just a fat and chubby girl,
oh and short, impatient and dumb.
a 'motherly' figure to all, quipped by ppl i know.
im tired of this image.
i have no idea how long this is going to last.

somehow i feel like emo-ing again.
:D
emo is the new cool, yeah baby.
what a fake quote.
it sounds so fake.
fake you.
fake felicia.
forcing myself to put in a smile,
trying to feel welcomed,
when i know that i don't really belong.
not even with kirin they all,
its like im isolated in a lonely desert island.
two ppl promised to stay,
but when they got tired,
they took their own boat and went away.
faking a smile, like anybody cares.
i feel upset.
like nothing is ever going to be the same for me.

sure, i will be there to support others,
behind them supporting them.
and what about myself?
the only people who promised and showed me signs of concern has already left.
im so terrifed to think that when i look behind,
there's nobody, nothing at all.

sure, i prefer loving somebody,
but sometimes, the heart pines to feel loved.
and yet i don't.
its like, you're just one of them thing,
nobody important,
nobody significant,
just another nobody.

i don't want to trust again,
i don't want to believe those words again,
i don't want to be taken in like a fool,
believing everything and ending up getting hurt in the end.

i don't want to believe anyone,
i don't want to trust anybody,
i just want to be alone.
i don't want to be the smiling fool,
who doesn't know what is going on.
or the obstinate person i am,
knowing that something is wrong,
yet fearful of changing actions,
scared of the consequences.

where is the old felicia?
i lost myself.
can anybody tell me where to find her back again?
i want go back to the past, where i had friends,
good close friends,
not isolated friends who abandoned me in times of need.

don't come in,
if you do,
make sure it won't be a empty promise.

sure, you don't hate me,
but i can't see that you love me either,
so lets just leave it at that,
before i cry.

bully me lor.
bully me as you like,
i got nothing for you left.
thats the only thing im useful at,
getting bullied,
nothing else.

if words could express my feelings, i would leave it blank.

somehow i have always envied people who are emotionless,
who don't let emotions go to them,
who is fine with everything,
who expects nothing in return for help,
it must just feel so good to be one of them.

go sleep, girl,
just go and sleep,
and nothing will happen.

sometimes i think,
if i had a option to sleep or wake,
the old me would say to wake.
the current me would say i want to sleep forever.
:D