Reflections again =)

Looks like I'm gonna be pretty addicted to this *Reflections- thingy . Cuz all I do is to write out my reflections .

So far , i been trying my best to be myself and not just a nobody who just accepts everything for herself .

Talking about studies =(( . Wahhh ! . Been slacking a lot . Chinese i dropped to number 4 again . Frm number 4 to 11 to 4 again . I really hate being number 4 . Four in chinese is death , you know . Very bad luck one . No wonder I recently so suay lorh . Kidding =p .

English number 3 . But i really hope my english can improve by leaps and bounds to maybe a better rank and not decrease . Maths I'm getting bad results as usual so maybe since its the weekends , i ought to practise more and study harder? Science quite okay . Considering that I got 63 , its not as bad as it sounds . I used to be a avg. like 50+ . So its considered a bonus as well .

My results sound nice but they are not really how they seem . In fact , the competition seems to get tenser by the days the Eoy comes . You see , if you improved by one mark or two , your rank can move up dramatically leh .

Okay . My health is not really very good . Tuesday I started being sick , even vomited on wed .. but I'm getting better liaos . No need to worry lah . Just a sore throat left .

Someone said that I been a bit moody since wednesday . Maybe .. Its' just the atmosphere and the pressure on my studies that affects my health and me . I am kinda caught between studying and sleeping cuz I have to study sumtimes late in the night . But I promise , I make sure I sleep better kayys? Zhihui , dun worry about me lahs =p . I'm perfectly healthy and jumping , ain I ? lol .

Been thinking more and more often . Argh , I dunno what to write now . How come after smthing happen , someppl can remain so calm and collected . While when it comes to grades , ppl get nervous but the people who deserve the marks who studied real hard lose to others who never even bothered to study at all . Whats' the point , actually .. Not blaming ppl but its just what I'm thinking lahs . If you get a real high mark , your first reaction will either be calm or be like, normal like nothing had happened at all right before asking for other ppl's marks and sneering at them for their lousy results? Sigh . The world is made of mysterious things , really .

So , as I'm typing , the fan is blowing my food cold and I gotta eat it . I think I got a crush but I'm not sure . Hai hai hai . This matter have gone on for so many mths liao .

About audition , i started playing , currently lvl 4 and I stopped liao to study .

Thank gawd for our teachers who bothered to go through the chapters and exam format to us . Brillant of them ain it ?

Mr Foo is not tht bad actually , quite okay . He tries to teach us though I smtimes even if he explained it to me a thousand tymes I also cnnot figure it out .

So,todays' the last day of my freedom . at 0900 , I gotta study liaos .

So Buh=Bye .

-Felicia .

Reflections To A Person =(

I wonder smthing . If you hurt somebody .. do you realize it ? Or do you just pretend that it din happen at all ? Sometimes I get hurt by other people comment . But its just part and parcel of one's life ain it ? I was just thinking about the past . Some ppl are so damn unsensitive or isit they mean it or smthng?

'I said I'm sorry but what for,
If I hurt you then I hate myself,
Don't want to hate myself,
Don't want to hurt you,
Why do you choose your pain?
If you only knew how much I love you,
I wont be your winter,
I wont be anyone's excuse to cry.'
I walk this world
invisible to everyone who passes me by
It's a shame to awaken, world aflame
What does it mean when the war has taken over?
It's the same every day in a hell man-made
What can be saved, and who will be left to hold her?
The whole world...
Will now burn...
Yeah, it's a world wide suicide
And in all the madness
Thought becomes numb and naive
So much to talk about and
Nothing more to say
Now I'm sick of this waiting
So come on and take your shot
You can spit out you insults
But nothings gonna change us
You can sit there and judge me
Say what you want to
We'll never let you win.
I've got no place to go
I've got nowhere to run
They want to watch me fall
They think they know it allI
'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they'd always say
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I've gotta prove them wrong
Everytym i tried not to break down.
another thing start up...
Is everybody bent on ruinin my life??
Go ruin la...i got nothing left...i dun gif a fuckin damn now

You can’t hide from your sorrow
You can’t stay here till tomorrow
Welcome to the club of broken hearts
Where a thousand lonely souls have passed
Sooner or later you’re gonna wake up and find what your looking for
Like a diamond washed up on the shore
In the meantime you’re feeling like your lost without a friend
I just don't like bein lied to
what is life,exceptan excuse for death,or death but
An escape from life?
Everything is so Fucked!!
U guys wan destroy me..Go ahead...Anyway i had nothing to live for....Fuck everything fuck everybody...i jux sux big time
不要谈什么分离
我不会因为这样而哭泣
那只是昨夜的一场梦而已
不要说愿不愿意
我不会因为这样而在意
那只是昨夜的一场游戏
那只是一场游戏一场梦
虽然你影子还出现我眼里
在我的歌声中
早已没有你
那只是一场游戏一场梦
不要把残缺的爱留在这里
在两个人的世界里
不该有你
喔 为什么道别离
又说什么在一起
如今虽然没有你
我还是我自己
说什么此情永不渝
说什么我爱你
如今依然没有你
我还是 我自己

Everything is just a dream . So fast , let me wake up from this dream of a nightmare . Stop giving me excuses . If thats all you have for me , I'm seriously very disappointed in you . I wish that I could stop time from flowing so as to prevent me from recollecting all those sad memories of our broken ruined friendship .

Who was it who first started it ?
Who was the one who stretched out the hand for me to reach?
Who was the one who agreed to be my friend?
Who was the one who agreed to stand by my side?
Who was the one who ended our ties?
Who was the one who abandoned me in my times of need?
Who was the one who started teasing me about guys that I din even know?
Who was the one who started all the bitching and backstabbing talk?
Who was the one who complained that I was arrogant and refused to friend and talk to me as normal ?

Without you , I still have the will to live . Why should I , just because of one friend , feel sorrow burning in the midst of my heart and decide to stop talking to others?

Without you , I'm still myself . I hate myself for not confronting you with your actions . Seriously .. Would things have been different? I guess, I was deluding myself , lying to myself to make me feel better . Now that things have taken to a different turn I guess its time to say goodbye .

Goodbye now and forever , Sayonara .

Post

Entry: #43 . Date : 23o9o06.

Hai hai hai . 9 days liao . 9 more to examinations . The worst part is left 5 days of school and 4 days of weekends .

Still have to finsh art nxt wk , D&T before Mon then hand up .

I'mm so scared lehhs . Yesterday geography test , I could tell I would fail liao . I hardly studied . I did , but studied the wrong thing . LOL . Lame horh . Yesterday chinese test , half the class fail leh . I scared I also fail =[ .

I asked Mr Li liao , he say I deproving . =[=[ .

So sadd . English still okay lah . 12/20 . Okay . Maths got MrFoo teach liao . He quite nice teacher but a bit of mousy mousy . Lol . Really . He give me the impression of never teaching anyone before . Have to finsh his paper . Today learn number sequence . I was quite a bit disappointed cuz I was bored out of my wits . We learn liao mahx . Yesterday was better , cuz I enjoyed the lesson. Time flies and the maths lesson end liao . Fast , huh .

Sorry :l .. I know a lot of ppl change link , i still have a lot of people to link :l . I'm lazy . So I just wait til examinations off , change blogskin , add people's links .

Science was a bit of interesting but I keep getting confused by what Mdm Teresa was implying . Lol .

I miss MrChew and Miss Lim sia . They teach I a bit understand .

I found a bytch somewhere , but better not reveal who is she .

Class hmm .. I tried this week to befriend some of them but still a bit of estranged between them . They sat at the same table at me . But for some reason , I could'nt eat . I just move my plate to where Shirley was sitting lorh . I have a quite funny class actually . Our relationship with Miss Goh isn't that bad x)

Argh . Why am I still blogging lol . I promised to end it off but I couldn't resist . ARGH .

Kurusamy a bit bothersome lah . Make me worry so much that I couldn't grasp what Mrs Koh was talking . =_= .

Later have to do D&T , tution hw and maths and sci etc. So much . Gonna X.X soon lah .

I guess some ppl in the class already figured out who I like and told him . He was kinda avoiding me lorh . Never mind .

I'm kinda messed up by the busy stuff we have nowadays . Guess I should give up on this kind of stupid immature stuff and focus on studies . I'm lagging behind like a underdog or something .

I guess I grown up a bit yesterday . I found out that I was getting less childish . Yesterday I even was so bothered by the Lit stuff that I was so angry . Like what some people say , Its' time to grow up . Hai .

Good luck for EOY , ppls . 1A rawks . Over this time , I kind of thought it over . Our class is quite good lah .

Still , there are some immature ppl like Ashiq . Ashiq so immature , keep calling me noobie cuz I stuck in maple lvl 8 . Paisehx lah . People cnnot play maple waht . Jordan also like that,call me noob . -.= . Stupid Ashiq lah . He talked abt me and maple in PE on wed . Then , I caught he talking , i complained to Ms.Goh . lol .

Overrall , My class still is the BEST , no matter what .

I'm so surprisd yesterday , playing gunbound , I couldn't access noob server cuz I silver axe liao . How time passes . I love gbing . Its' my life and blood x) .

Forever waiting for him and obsessing over him ,
Felicia .

Entry: #43 . Date : 23o9o06.

Hai hai hai . 9 days liao . 9 more to examinations . The worst part is left 5 days of school and 4 days of weekends .

Still have to finsh art nxt wk , D&T before Mon then hand up .

I'mm so scared lehhs . Yesterday geography test , I could tell I would fail liao . I hardly studied . I did , but studied the wrong thing . LOL . Lame horh . Yesterday chinese test , half the class fail leh . I scared I also fail =[ .

I asked Mr Li liao , he say I deproving . =[=[ .

So sadd . English still okay lah . 12/20 . Okay . Maths got MrFoo teach liao . He quite nice teacher but a bit of mousy mousy . Lol . Really . He give me the impression of never teaching anyone before . Have to finsh his paper . Today learn number sequence . I was quite a bit disappointed cuz I was bored out of my wits . We learn liao mahx . Yesterday was better , cuz I enjoyed the lesson. Time flies and the maths lesson end liao . Fast , huh .

Sorry :l .. I know a lot of ppl change link , i still have a lot of people to link :l . I'm lazy . So I just wait til examinations off , change blogskin , add people's links .

Science was a bit of interesting but I keep getting confused by what Mdm Teresa was implying . Lol .

I miss MrChew and Miss Lim sia . They teach I a bit understand .

I found a bytch somewhere , but better not reveal who is she .

Class hmm .. I tried this week to befriend some of them but still a bit of estranged between them . They sat at the same table at me . But for some reason , I could'nt eat . I just move my plate to where Shirley was sitting lorh . I have a quite funny class actually . Our relationship with Miss Goh isn't that bad x)

Argh . Why am I still blogging lol . I promised to end it off but I couldn't resist . ARGH .

Kurusamy a bit bothersome lah . Make me worry so much that I couldn't grasp what Mrs Koh was talking . =_= .

Later have to do D&T , tution hw and maths and sci etc. So much . Gonna X.X soon lah .

I guess some ppl in the class already figured out who I like and told him . He was kinda avoiding me lorh . Never mind .

I'm kinda messed up by the busy stuff we have nowadays . Guess I should give up on this kind of stupid immature stuff and focus on studies . I'm lagging behind like a underdog or something .

I guess I grown up a bit yesterday . I found out that I was getting less childish . Yesterday I even was so bothered by the Lit stuff that I was so angry . Like what some people say , Its' time to grow up . Hai .

Good luck for EOY , ppls . 1A rawks . Over this time , I kind of thought it over . Our class is quite good lah .

Still , there are some immature ppl like Ashiq . Ashiq so immature , keep calling me noobie cuz I stuck in maple lvl 8 . Paisehx lah . People cnnot play maple waht . Jordan also like that,call me noob . -.= . Stupid Ashiq lah . He talked abt me and maple in PE on wed . Then , I caught he talking , i complained to Ms.Goh . lol .

Overrall , My class still is the BEST , no matter what .

I'm so surprisd yesterday , playing gunbound , I couldn't access noob server cuz I silver axe liao . How time passes . I love gbing . Its' my life and blood x) .

Forever waiting for him and obsessing over him ,
Felicia .

Post

Yah . This is it . I have thought twice about it and decided to go on with it .

Decision : I will give up totally on online blogging . Keeping a diary is so much secure .

Why ?! You may ask . I'm kinda tired of blogging daily and if other people see it . I mean , people who I rather would not read it , and ask me about it .. I will be so totally paisehx .

From now , All blog entries by me will be deleted ASAP . Thx .

Holidays sucks totally . Stupid Literature project . So hard lorhs . How to rewrite a story that is 1000 and above to a short one of 300-350 words . Stupid . Somemore counted into CA . I sure flunk one .

Maths sucks . Totally . I kana F9 in mathematics . Worst grade I ever had . The rest of the subjects all had A1,A2,B3,B4 one . I would have aced if NOT FOR MATHEMATICS . The stupid subject . Aniwae , I still can go Sec 2 Express . But If I want go Poly or JC , I have to study and pass MATHS . Geez . Who invented mathematics aniwae .

Buh-Byes
Felicia .

Yah . This is it . I have thought twice about it and decided to go on with it .

Decision : I will give up totally on online blogging . Keeping a diary is so much secure .

Why ?! You may ask . I'm kinda tired of blogging daily and if other people see it . I mean , people who I rather would not read it , and ask me about it .. I will be so totally paisehx .

From now , All blog entries by me will be deleted ASAP . Thx .

Holidays sucks totally . Stupid Literature project . So hard lorhs . How to rewrite a story that is 1000 and above to a short one of 300-350 words . Stupid . Somemore counted into CA . I sure flunk one .

Maths sucks . Totally . I kana F9 in mathematics . Worst grade I ever had . The rest of the subjects all had A1,A2,B3,B4 one . I would have aced if NOT FOR MATHEMATICS . The stupid subject . Aniwae , I still can go Sec 2 Express . But If I want go Poly or JC , I have to study and pass MATHS . Geez . Who invented mathematics aniwae .

Buh-Byes
Felicia .

Post

>>>Love is patient, love is kind.
>>>It does not envy, it does not boast.

>>>>>>It is not proud.
>>>It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.

>>>>>>It is not easily angered,
>>>It keeps no record of wrongs.

>>>>>>Love does not delight in evil,
>>>But rejoices with the truth.

>>>>>>It always protects, always trust,
>>>Always hopes, always perserveres.

If you love someone, Let the person go.If you see your loved one happy,It's all that its content..I prepare to give up, if you want to. I know, it's not your fault and i never blame you.

Last post of my blog, people. My heart is now filled with hatred, anger, sorrow, pain and coldness. Don't expect me to be the same old felicia who never failed to laugh whenever you're sad or whatever fucking damn.

Just so tired of having people around me , playing around with my feelings ..

In the school there's already people picking on me. I've got nobody left. No friends. no family.

I tried to help people, whenever they're sad, sick, broke up, tired of living, bored. and this is WHAT I've GOT.

If you really hate me, tell me everyone, friends. Im tired . . Stop lying to me and the worst , yourself .

---------------------------- Today's Thoughts -------------------------------

Entry #43 Date 1/9/06


Yesterday go old school . Piang .. feel so mad . They say cnnot bring in prezzie cuz principal scared later got bomb inside . Crazy one . Who will bring a prezzie which contain bomb to their fav. teacher .

Arrived there at sch gate at 12.30 pm with ChoonKiat,Huda,Nizerin,Huaiyue . Had to wait til 1 . Then 1.09 pm , they dun allow us go in . Say : 1.30 . Then , met Eileen , Cally they all separately . Then , lost Eileen . Dunno where she run lahs . Go see MsTing . Saw Roger . Yay! Im still taller than him . He have seriously , grown taller and than , Nazirah , aka Nazi go compare their skin colour . of cuz , roger win lah . Then he go ask Nazi to compare my and his height . She say : Im taller . Yippee !

Saw the guys frm p6 , p5 , p4 same class 1 lah . They all seriously grow taller lehs . Unfair lah . Just 8 mths never see them , grow so tall le .

Then , went visiting round whole sch .. tired ...

Eat curry food =] My favourite . Then , go lerrs .

Weird , never see Tacy and WenJie , ZhiYi and Khairi . They all say go Sept 1 . Never see them .

Stupid visiting rule : go in after 1 , siam b4 3.30 . Cnnot access library . Oh purr-lease , I have been a REGULAR visitor for the past 2 yrs . I mean , as a user and a librarian in my pri5 & 6 .

Saw Mdam Moli , she say she couldnt recongise me and was wondering . She said that she thought I had cut down more pounds of fat . Geez . Another one like HuaiYue .

But I guess , I really had grown from a perky schoolkid to a secondary sch kid . The past 8 mths had really changed me a lot . While walking to the bus-stop , I was ermm ponderin over sumthing lahs . When i first entered my old canteen which I had not seen since january , There was a sense of weird weird feelings . When I walked out of the school , I was like, hi and bye to the sch . There is like no feelings remaning in the sch , except the memories I spent there as a perky schoolkid . Guess I already , without knowing , I already accepted school as part and parcel of my life .

Although e guys may seem taller , they are still the friends I known and chatted with since prisch . But its STILL UNFAIR . HOW COME GIRLS GET TALLER A LITTLE BIT AND GUYS TOTALLY GET tALLER .

I found out what I really missed was not the sch , it was the people that mattered to me a lot . The sch simply contained a lot of childhood memories I had . I still could recall memories of eating in the school canteen and the girls were like , omg .. u still eating the curry potato rice . LOL . Guess .. somethings will never change , no matter what .

Friends are forever . It takes a min to have a crush on someone .. a hr to like someone .. a day to fall in love with someone but a lifetime to forget someone . Its like , a min to greet someone , a hr to like someone , a day to friend someone .. a lifetime to forget all the friends you made .

AHHH!! Just realized that Jaya was not there and WeiTing & WeiQi . They all , so bad . Stupid me . Guess I realli have laorenchidaezhen bah . Aka SHORTTERM MEMORIES .

-Forgetful Felicia .

>>>Love is patient, love is kind.
>>>It does not envy, it does not boast.

>>>>>>It is not proud.
>>>It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.

>>>>>>It is not easily angered,
>>>It keeps no record of wrongs.

>>>>>>Love does not delight in evil,
>>>But rejoices with the truth.

>>>>>>It always protects, always trust,
>>>Always hopes, always perserveres.

If you love someone, Let the person go.If you see your loved one happy,It's all that its content..I prepare to give up, if you want to. I know, it's not your fault and i never blame you.

Last post of my blog, people. My heart is now filled with hatred, anger, sorrow, pain and coldness. Don't expect me to be the same old felicia who never failed to laugh whenever you're sad or whatever fucking damn.

Just so tired of having people around me , playing around with my feelings ..

In the school there's already people picking on me. I've got nobody left. No friends. no family.

I tried to help people, whenever they're sad, sick, broke up, tired of living, bored. and this is WHAT I've GOT.

If you really hate me, tell me everyone, friends. Im tired . . Stop lying to me and the worst , yourself .

---------------------------- Today's Thoughts -------------------------------

Entry #43 Date 1/9/06


Yesterday go old school . Piang .. feel so mad . They say cnnot bring in prezzie cuz principal scared later got bomb inside . Crazy one . Who will bring a prezzie which contain bomb to their fav. teacher .

Arrived there at sch gate at 12.30 pm with ChoonKiat,Huda,Nizerin,Huaiyue . Had to wait til 1 . Then 1.09 pm , they dun allow us go in . Say : 1.30 . Then , met Eileen , Cally they all separately . Then , lost Eileen . Dunno where she run lahs . Go see MsTing . Saw Roger . Yay! Im still taller than him . He have seriously , grown taller and than , Nazirah , aka Nazi go compare their skin colour . of cuz , roger win lah . Then he go ask Nazi to compare my and his height . She say : Im taller . Yippee !

Saw the guys frm p6 , p5 , p4 same class 1 lah . They all seriously grow taller lehs . Unfair lah . Just 8 mths never see them , grow so tall le .

Then , went visiting round whole sch .. tired ...

Eat curry food =] My favourite . Then , go lerrs .

Weird , never see Tacy and WenJie , ZhiYi and Khairi . They all say go Sept 1 . Never see them .

Stupid visiting rule : go in after 1 , siam b4 3.30 . Cnnot access library . Oh purr-lease , I have been a REGULAR visitor for the past 2 yrs . I mean , as a user and a librarian in my pri5 & 6 .

Saw Mdam Moli , she say she couldnt recongise me and was wondering . She said that she thought I had cut down more pounds of fat . Geez . Another one like HuaiYue .

But I guess , I really had grown from a perky schoolkid to a secondary sch kid . The past 8 mths had really changed me a lot . While walking to the bus-stop , I was ermm ponderin over sumthing lahs . When i first entered my old canteen which I had not seen since january , There was a sense of weird weird feelings . When I walked out of the school , I was like, hi and bye to the sch . There is like no feelings remaning in the sch , except the memories I spent there as a perky schoolkid . Guess I already , without knowing , I already accepted school as part and parcel of my life .

Although e guys may seem taller , they are still the friends I known and chatted with since prisch . But its STILL UNFAIR . HOW COME GIRLS GET TALLER A LITTLE BIT AND GUYS TOTALLY GET tALLER .

I found out what I really missed was not the sch , it was the people that mattered to me a lot . The sch simply contained a lot of childhood memories I had . I still could recall memories of eating in the school canteen and the girls were like , omg .. u still eating the curry potato rice . LOL . Guess .. somethings will never change , no matter what .

Friends are forever . It takes a min to have a crush on someone .. a hr to like someone .. a day to fall in love with someone but a lifetime to forget someone . Its like , a min to greet someone , a hr to like someone , a day to friend someone .. a lifetime to forget all the friends you made .

AHHH!! Just realized that Jaya was not there and WeiTing & WeiQi . They all , so bad . Stupid me . Guess I realli have laorenchidaezhen bah . Aka SHORTTERM MEMORIES .

-Forgetful Felicia .