Mixed feelings

I guess it's going to end.
it all ends tonite.
i missed you;
i loved you for what you were;
nothing's been alright since day 1;
i knew it;
i just continued playing along;
until i got sick and tired of it;
dat i just started to ignore;
just started to forget;
created a new felicia;
a felicia who knows when to cross the line;
a felicia who knows when to act idiot;
a felicia who knows what to do and everything;
a felicia who keeps her mouth shut;
a felicia who does her own things;

but;

it had already been disrupted the day you entered my life;
it's not fair;
we are all faking it;
it's just all a web of lies covered into it;
all our emotions;
faking a smile when we're not happy;
acting happy when we're not inside;
it's all a facade;
a phony;
a fake existance to be "IN"
cause we are scared;
fearful;
of being left behind;
no matter what;
we would just continue our life this way;
doing all these worthless things;
hanging out in cliques;
wasting time chatting when can do other things;
hais.

tday i wrote the announcement on board;
a lot ppl were talking about me;
my ears could hear;
they took tix from me;
den they left it behind later;
what was it for?;
just a act of pity;
I dunnid the pity sia;
you want you take;
you dun wan dun take;
simple.

wrote the letter writing;
I tot that it was alright;
who knows something happened;
i dun wan say anything liaos;
that fellow knows;
this is not the first time;
it happened dozens and dozens of times;
what can i do;
demand to sit alone?;
hais.

its unfair;
never do hw copy from me can liaos.
dunno how/what to do copy from me/I teach;
you good larhs;
test you more marks den me;
its okay;
but.
it is not even fair at all;
i seriously loathe you.
truth to be spoken,
i despise such ppl;
cause;
"You're born a original, why die a copy?"
hais.

3 0 O c t o b e r 2 0 0 7 will determine my fate.

maybe it's been time to let go;
i tried;
maybe i didn't even try;
to let you go;
to forget about you;
to forget about us.
but i couldn't;

i wanted so much to let you go;
yet i can't.
when you're beside me;
my heart kept thumping.
when I talk to you normally;
no feelings attached.

mixed feelings.

Post

I just chased away my laogong;
i dunno whats wrong with me these days;
I broke down again;
pathetic right;
I do THINGS AT THE WRONG TIME.
I say THINGS AT THE WRONG TIME.
EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT;
ME AND MINE ALONE;
I told her what was going on;
I dunwanna her to be disturbed by me.
I'm A PEST;
IRRITATINGANNOYINGPEST;
SOIWANNASPAREHERTHEAGONY;
crap?
--

I said those hurtful words to her;
i'm sorry;
cause;
I'm already crying when I typed out all these words.
I dun wanna her to disturb her studies cause of me.
hais.

wiping fresh new tears;
feeling sad once again;
I manage to ruin things again;
woot?

if I said that there were no you and me
what would you have said.
if I said that I no longer loved you
would you have cried?
if I said that I love you wholeheartly
but I couldn't go out with you
what would you have said.
I fear to confess to you
cause I'm FAT,SHORT,DUMBASS.
and,
we already have a friendship.
why ruin it?
even if I'm PRETTY,AVERAGE and stuff;
I wouldn't have chosen to stead with you;
cause.
one word.
S T U D I E S.

I can only glance at you from one corner;
a tear escaping my eyes.
when you were sick or absent
I was worried for you
when I found out you had stead
did you know my heart broke;
broke badly;
I tried to put on a happy front for you
cause I was happy for you.
I couldn't.
did you know i escaped to the toilet
to not see your face or hers?
hais.

you dun know anything about me
you dun even love me.
why should I even care.
hais.

I just chased away my laogong;
i dunno whats wrong with me these days;
I broke down again;
pathetic right;
I do THINGS AT THE WRONG TIME.
I say THINGS AT THE WRONG TIME.
EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT;
ME AND MINE ALONE;
I told her what was going on;
I dunwanna her to be disturbed by me.
I'm A PEST;
IRRITATINGANNOYINGPEST;
SOIWANNASPAREHERTHEAGONY;
crap?
--

I said those hurtful words to her;
i'm sorry;
cause;
I'm already crying when I typed out all these words.
I dun wanna her to disturb her studies cause of me.
hais.

wiping fresh new tears;
feeling sad once again;
I manage to ruin things again;
woot?

if I said that there were no you and me
what would you have said.
if I said that I no longer loved you
would you have cried?
if I said that I love you wholeheartly
but I couldn't go out with you
what would you have said.
I fear to confess to you
cause I'm FAT,SHORT,DUMBASS.
and,
we already have a friendship.
why ruin it?
even if I'm PRETTY,AVERAGE and stuff;
I wouldn't have chosen to stead with you;
cause.
one word.
S T U D I E S.

I can only glance at you from one corner;
a tear escaping my eyes.
when you were sick or absent
I was worried for you
when I found out you had stead
did you know my heart broke;
broke badly;
I tried to put on a happy front for you
cause I was happy for you.
I couldn't.
did you know i escaped to the toilet
to not see your face or hers?
hais.

you dun know anything about me
you dun even love me.
why should I even care.
hais.

Post

haihai;
I feel very pathetic,useless & stuff;
why am I such a useless person?
I do things at the wrong time;
I say the wrong things;
I'm sickandtiredof all;
even.
whenever ppl need me , I'm always not there.
I dun mean not there, is.
I'm just hanging around, waiting for them;
I dunno liao;
I just dun want disturb them;
I feel that, when they wanna say it, they can say it;
after what hnin tell me;
I really feel like a piece of worthless crap;
back to emo mood.
--
Came home;
den;
the bloodybloody sulake didn't let me in;
until I did everything;
complaint email all;
all the way;
from 5:21 to 6+

hais;
was originally quite cheerful;
bcause of the new south wales paper;
that one i did it in p5 i remember;
and I guessed I did pass;
but the rest of the subjects I failed;
LOL;
so I didn't get into round two;
but this time round I did;
Achievement?;
I dun really think so;
and.
I'm tired of ppl bugging me;
why can't they just leave me alone and do their own things?
everytime saying things like,
"You dunnid worry la, confirm pass de la."
Wtf is this supposed to be? Consoling? Crap more like.
Den today chinese oral was shit;
the reading was okay; but a bit weird;
discussion part confirm fail;
I dunno wtf I talking also;
hais;

next tuesday supposed to be the round two;
but i dunno wth am I supposed to go;
I have netball;
I mean administrative duties;
hais;
maybe coach will allow;
this is international level;

I dun wanna serve as a disturbance;
I just wanna .. be somebody who you'll confide in;
who you'll share troubled things with;
and;
help you in your distress;
I seem to be the last one;
I dunno why;
I keep feeling that;
you're keeping something from me;
and you dun wanna tell me;
I just wanna be there for you.
to be a listening ear for you;
and i feel that;
you think I'm a annoyance to you;
you said that;
you wanted somebody;
and you duno who;
and said that since I say that I'm never there for you;
you rather gtg and sleep;
I dun understand.
seriously;

you know;
once i type this;
I can feel tears coming out;

ppl ask me why I never dj so long le;
I also dunno liao;
I getting no mood;
exams are so near already;
I better stop computing and start studying;
I must study hard;
if may;
I'll turn cold-hearted;
just to assure that our sch doesn't get left out;
students dun get biased treatment;
we are no longer the UNKNOWN sch in singapore;
you know;
whenever I say about my sch;
nobody knows where it is;
I feel so pathetic;
english oral ms goh say I never stopped;
den infront of whole class say;
you know, punctuation is there for a reason.
I feel like a fool.
den when she announced the results;
I couldn't believe it at first;
when we went out;
a lot ppl say they wanna kill me and stuff;
I guess all are joking;
but one;
she said she's going to beat me;
well;
I'll try my best too;
Assement books & books;
here i come.

--

I better study hard;
grades dropping;
a lot of stuff happening already;
I feel like emo.
nevermind.

I'm going to finish pw;
den go to sleep;
not a good day;
--

If I told you I loved you,
what would your reaction be?

Without you around,
would things have ended differently?

What hurts the most
is when you see your loved ones unhappy,
and you can't do anything about it.

Sometimes I wished I could take out my heart and throw it out the window

--

to have listened;
to have done something;
to have cared;
is maybe the most perfect thing you can offer in a friendship.

haihai;
I feel very pathetic,useless & stuff;
why am I such a useless person?
I do things at the wrong time;
I say the wrong things;
I'm sickandtiredof all;
even.
whenever ppl need me , I'm always not there.
I dun mean not there, is.
I'm just hanging around, waiting for them;
I dunno liao;
I just dun want disturb them;
I feel that, when they wanna say it, they can say it;
after what hnin tell me;
I really feel like a piece of worthless crap;
back to emo mood.
--
Came home;
den;
the bloodybloody sulake didn't let me in;
until I did everything;
complaint email all;
all the way;
from 5:21 to 6+

hais;
was originally quite cheerful;
bcause of the new south wales paper;
that one i did it in p5 i remember;
and I guessed I did pass;
but the rest of the subjects I failed;
LOL;
so I didn't get into round two;
but this time round I did;
Achievement?;
I dun really think so;
and.
I'm tired of ppl bugging me;
why can't they just leave me alone and do their own things?
everytime saying things like,
"You dunnid worry la, confirm pass de la."
Wtf is this supposed to be? Consoling? Crap more like.
Den today chinese oral was shit;
the reading was okay; but a bit weird;
discussion part confirm fail;
I dunno wtf I talking also;
hais;

next tuesday supposed to be the round two;
but i dunno wth am I supposed to go;
I have netball;
I mean administrative duties;
hais;
maybe coach will allow;
this is international level;

I dun wanna serve as a disturbance;
I just wanna .. be somebody who you'll confide in;
who you'll share troubled things with;
and;
help you in your distress;
I seem to be the last one;
I dunno why;
I keep feeling that;
you're keeping something from me;
and you dun wanna tell me;
I just wanna be there for you.
to be a listening ear for you;
and i feel that;
you think I'm a annoyance to you;
you said that;
you wanted somebody;
and you duno who;
and said that since I say that I'm never there for you;
you rather gtg and sleep;
I dun understand.
seriously;

you know;
once i type this;
I can feel tears coming out;

ppl ask me why I never dj so long le;
I also dunno liao;
I getting no mood;
exams are so near already;
I better stop computing and start studying;
I must study hard;
if may;
I'll turn cold-hearted;
just to assure that our sch doesn't get left out;
students dun get biased treatment;
we are no longer the UNKNOWN sch in singapore;
you know;
whenever I say about my sch;
nobody knows where it is;
I feel so pathetic;
english oral ms goh say I never stopped;
den infront of whole class say;
you know, punctuation is there for a reason.
I feel like a fool.
den when she announced the results;
I couldn't believe it at first;
when we went out;
a lot ppl say they wanna kill me and stuff;
I guess all are joking;
but one;
she said she's going to beat me;
well;
I'll try my best too;
Assement books & books;
here i come.

--

I better study hard;
grades dropping;
a lot of stuff happening already;
I feel like emo.
nevermind.

I'm going to finish pw;
den go to sleep;
not a good day;
--

If I told you I loved you,
what would your reaction be?

Without you around,
would things have ended differently?

What hurts the most
is when you see your loved ones unhappy,
and you can't do anything about it.

Sometimes I wished I could take out my heart and throw it out the window

--

to have listened;
to have done something;
to have cared;
is maybe the most perfect thing you can offer in a friendship.

Post

inafuckingemomoodnow;
sian;
wth i do also no use right;
all these times;
you guys were just fucking making use of me right;
I had enough of this sia;
wtf is project work;
when mostly all the work is done by the leader;
damn la;
I come home tired & weary;
den my bro never wear my uniform - first straw.
fine la;
i wash myself;
den;
My father come home;
say he never receive mail;
I go gmail check;
wth la;
tell me cannot send;
kao la;
worst part is;
today his bday sia;
what a unfilial daughter i am;
I just broke down into tears while washing lor;
tainted with tears;
it's all my bloody fault;

fuck sia;
now wtf am I supposed to do;
hai;
my dad going to shops ask around how much;
13pages black&white;
3 pages pictures;
i dun care le;
I going to make them pay for the cost
split into 6.
haihai;
lets hope today get better.
sorry for swear words;

inafuckingemomoodnow;
sian;
wth i do also no use right;
all these times;
you guys were just fucking making use of me right;
I had enough of this sia;
wtf is project work;
when mostly all the work is done by the leader;
damn la;
I come home tired & weary;
den my bro never wear my uniform - first straw.
fine la;
i wash myself;
den;
My father come home;
say he never receive mail;
I go gmail check;
wth la;
tell me cannot send;
kao la;
worst part is;
today his bday sia;
what a unfilial daughter i am;
I just broke down into tears while washing lor;
tainted with tears;
it's all my bloody fault;

fuck sia;
now wtf am I supposed to do;
hai;
my dad going to shops ask around how much;
13pages black&white;
3 pages pictures;
i dun care le;
I going to make them pay for the cost
split into 6.
haihai;
lets hope today get better.
sorry for swear words;

Post

haihai;
so tiring;
today pe remidial;
funla;
i think i also slim down abit;
i know i bhb kia;
--
maths;
fun la;
cause the topic i learnt before;
must put time for studies;
--
english;
damn funn la;
english paper woot;
I love doing;
--
science;
sickening;
sian la;
I hate the diagram drawing;
--
history;
fun.
--
mt;
fun.
--
hais.
today stayback lor;
kao la amanda so pian tai;
see the vaness hudgens pic NUDE de for mre den 10 times sia;
den what;
keep doing the horny cheer;
sian;
i guesss she last time is si pervert lai de;
the three guys behind us were like wth is going on and listening to some old song o.O;
went to habbo;
boring la.
ppl keep copying;
sians.
so much work to do;
hais;
later going send finish mail;
chiong art;
chiong packing;
sleep lor;
tired.

haihai;
so tiring;
today pe remidial;
funla;
i think i also slim down abit;
i know i bhb kia;
--
maths;
fun la;
cause the topic i learnt before;
must put time for studies;
--
english;
damn funn la;
english paper woot;
I love doing;
--
science;
sickening;
sian la;
I hate the diagram drawing;
--
history;
fun.
--
mt;
fun.
--
hais.
today stayback lor;
kao la amanda so pian tai;
see the vaness hudgens pic NUDE de for mre den 10 times sia;
den what;
keep doing the horny cheer;
sian;
i guesss she last time is si pervert lai de;
the three guys behind us were like wth is going on and listening to some old song o.O;
went to habbo;
boring la.
ppl keep copying;
sians.
so much work to do;
hais;
later going send finish mail;
chiong art;
chiong packing;
sleep lor;
tired.