Post

suddenly i feel like tearing again.
dunno, in the physics lab i suddenly wanted to cry.
because of inshirah saying tt coach had to leave.
....
i guess-ed people notic-ed it, so they din really talk to me.
then.
i remember f&n period.
inshirah came in and talk-ed about coach and stuffs
really wanted to cry just then.
then when coach was chatting with us.
i cried.
tear after tear.
remembering how he often made fun of me,
taught me new stuffs,
taught me things that i'll never learn,
most importantly,
he made me believe in myself once more.
amanda and clarine and yuliah inshirah were looking over at me.
i really did cry.
..
really sad to know that his leaving us luh.
all the fondest memories.
when giving us presents from his wife and him,
he said something damn touching.
then.
he actually remembered me.
for a instance, i felt ignored.
and then delight.
a feeling that i haven't experienced in ages.
..
more like forever.
then i really ran to the room to take the cage
but.
i forgot i din have the key ._.
so i went back.
took group pic.
then go with miss yap take clones.
i still remember i shouted at coach to take his clones.
and..
ran to his side to pass his clones.
then when he was hailing a taxi, we all nearly wanted to cry
cause that was the last time we would see him..
then he got a taxi, we went back.
then somebody exclaimed that he took a uturn, all ran there and started waving frantically.
i still remember vividly before he hailed a cab,
we all shouted that we love him.
);
it's sad to have such a good coach
yet to have him leave.

...
dunno for some reason.
when i went to type this down, before getting phone-call-ed, i suddenly want-ed to cry while typing.
siao le.

...
today i seemed to be damn busy.
people keep calling when i dinnering.
-faint.

...
i'll forever keep coach's gift.
and.
his message:

Hi kids. I'll try 2 help out with e team if i can make it. keep in touch n u will always be dear 2 me. U girls have worked very hard n continue 2 do so.

sayonara.
you'll always be the best coach.

suddenly i feel like tearing again.
dunno, in the physics lab i suddenly wanted to cry.
because of inshirah saying tt coach had to leave.
....
i guess-ed people notic-ed it, so they din really talk to me.
then.
i remember f&n period.
inshirah came in and talk-ed about coach and stuffs
really wanted to cry just then.
then when coach was chatting with us.
i cried.
tear after tear.
remembering how he often made fun of me,
taught me new stuffs,
taught me things that i'll never learn,
most importantly,
he made me believe in myself once more.
amanda and clarine and yuliah inshirah were looking over at me.
i really did cry.
..
really sad to know that his leaving us luh.
all the fondest memories.
when giving us presents from his wife and him,
he said something damn touching.
then.
he actually remembered me.
for a instance, i felt ignored.
and then delight.
a feeling that i haven't experienced in ages.
..
more like forever.
then i really ran to the room to take the cage
but.
i forgot i din have the key ._.
so i went back.
took group pic.
then go with miss yap take clones.
i still remember i shouted at coach to take his clones.
and..
ran to his side to pass his clones.
then when he was hailing a taxi, we all nearly wanted to cry
cause that was the last time we would see him..
then he got a taxi, we went back.
then somebody exclaimed that he took a uturn, all ran there and started waving frantically.
i still remember vividly before he hailed a cab,
we all shouted that we love him.
);
it's sad to have such a good coach
yet to have him leave.

...
dunno for some reason.
when i went to type this down, before getting phone-call-ed, i suddenly want-ed to cry while typing.
siao le.

...
today i seemed to be damn busy.
people keep calling when i dinnering.
-faint.

...
i'll forever keep coach's gift.
and.
his message:

Hi kids. I'll try 2 help out with e team if i can make it. keep in touch n u will always be dear 2 me. U girls have worked very hard n continue 2 do so.

sayonara.
you'll always be the best coach.

Post

nothing much to post here, due to being very exhausted, in need of sleep and stuffs.

amazed at people's ability to stay up all night and be happy all day.

you might think it's sarcasm, but it isn't.

so tired of faking a smile all day long, joking around, finding trouble, bullying people to feel not alone in this sterotypical world.

so tired of pretending that everything's alright, nothing's wrong with hurtful remarks tossed daily because of being a smartass and all that, it hurts alright

worse comes when you're feeeling down and something seems to make you even more down.

i wanna cry, breakdown, shout and scream it all ..

i tried.
doesn't work.

it used to,
why not now.

fat girls have low self esteem.
so?
big deal?
what's the point?
what the fuck are you trying to imply.
not happy siboh, get out singapore la.
go america, more obese children,
get fuckingly used to it.

you think i want to be fat?
go figure.
stop fucking use excuses like: Fat girls are hornier.
which is not true or whatsoever,
you're not very thin skinny pole youreself,
so what the fuck are you doing,
complaining about other people.
you have no rights to do that.
it's so fucking discrimating.
so what if we're fat?
big deal?
fat jiu fat la.
at the most dun stead one luh.
whoever stead you sure confirm die de la.
fucker.
posting threads about fat girls,
like you're one big muscular and handsome guy.
please la.
give us all a break and stop commenting about such issues.
it simply tells people more or less about your attitude.

sorry for all the profanities used.
very fedup.
running a fever soon.

just so stressed.
so much homework,
can't finish die la.

i'm not certain if i want join the chinese thing.
it's good if i get in and help the school.
but ..
nevermind.
i shall try my best.
best that it will be.
hopefully.

i miss thy.
like hellxz.

i wonder how she and the rest doing

it's killing me.
staying in a classroom.
feeling like a freak.
and stuckup bitch.
whatever teacher ask i first one answer.
bloodyhell.
whatever you want i give it to you.
what about me?
i'm past caring about this issue.
nearly lost my history textbook cause lent to amanda who was sleeping.
=.=

maths tution
doing fine.
just that the blank-ness has returned.
i feel so blank.
like i donno how to do.
i'm tired.

novena..
was a nice place.
but ..
kinda dreaded it.

ryan and apple went to disiao me.
-.-
cause i ask my tution friend to help me what.
zzz.
what's so fun to tease.
just friends.

-.-"

felt lonely again.
very very lonely.
like the world is up to no good.
dunno.
a feeling that i haven felt in ages.

soon, changing blogskin.

and.
soon.

depression.

=="

well.
i can't say anything much here.

after stomping, going for a good nite's sleep.
exhausted.

nothing much to post here, due to being very exhausted, in need of sleep and stuffs.

amazed at people's ability to stay up all night and be happy all day.

you might think it's sarcasm, but it isn't.

so tired of faking a smile all day long, joking around, finding trouble, bullying people to feel not alone in this sterotypical world.

so tired of pretending that everything's alright, nothing's wrong with hurtful remarks tossed daily because of being a smartass and all that, it hurts alright

worse comes when you're feeeling down and something seems to make you even more down.

i wanna cry, breakdown, shout and scream it all ..

i tried.
doesn't work.

it used to,
why not now.

fat girls have low self esteem.
so?
big deal?
what's the point?
what the fuck are you trying to imply.
not happy siboh, get out singapore la.
go america, more obese children,
get fuckingly used to it.

you think i want to be fat?
go figure.
stop fucking use excuses like: Fat girls are hornier.
which is not true or whatsoever,
you're not very thin skinny pole youreself,
so what the fuck are you doing,
complaining about other people.
you have no rights to do that.
it's so fucking discrimating.
so what if we're fat?
big deal?
fat jiu fat la.
at the most dun stead one luh.
whoever stead you sure confirm die de la.
fucker.
posting threads about fat girls,
like you're one big muscular and handsome guy.
please la.
give us all a break and stop commenting about such issues.
it simply tells people more or less about your attitude.

sorry for all the profanities used.
very fedup.
running a fever soon.

just so stressed.
so much homework,
can't finish die la.

i'm not certain if i want join the chinese thing.
it's good if i get in and help the school.
but ..
nevermind.
i shall try my best.
best that it will be.
hopefully.

i miss thy.
like hellxz.

i wonder how she and the rest doing

it's killing me.
staying in a classroom.
feeling like a freak.
and stuckup bitch.
whatever teacher ask i first one answer.
bloodyhell.
whatever you want i give it to you.
what about me?
i'm past caring about this issue.
nearly lost my history textbook cause lent to amanda who was sleeping.
=.=

maths tution
doing fine.
just that the blank-ness has returned.
i feel so blank.
like i donno how to do.
i'm tired.

novena..
was a nice place.
but ..
kinda dreaded it.

ryan and apple went to disiao me.
-.-
cause i ask my tution friend to help me what.
zzz.
what's so fun to tease.
just friends.

-.-"

felt lonely again.
very very lonely.
like the world is up to no good.
dunno.
a feeling that i haven felt in ages.

soon, changing blogskin.

and.
soon.

depression.

=="

well.
i can't say anything much here.

after stomping, going for a good nite's sleep.
exhausted.

http://www.drawahouse.com/

hmm, check out this web.

http://www.drawahouse.com/

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:

You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. son.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

--

got nothing else to say.
seriously.

theweek;

theweeksuckslikehell,

i hate school.
i hate hate school.
i hate hate hate school.

imisslife.
imisshnin,
imisseveryboddyyy.
life sucks.

staying on th netball team to help.
when i know whatever i do,
nobody ever appreciate.

why did i even cry last nite,
i have no idea.
whatever i do, you're not happy.
whenever i try, you're not pleased.
when i don't do anything, you speak behind my back.

you may think idk it, but i know it.
i'm not that dumb.

i reallly lack of confidence.
i don't wanna speak up anymore.
if you think i'm that annoying pest of a girl,
tell me and i'll get lost by myself
thanks.

i don't wanna stay active,
and get hurt by your antics.

once hurt, th next i wouldn't be so silly.

zhi mou ze qing.

dang ren de, ru guo bu zao gu zhi ji, tian huang di mie.

i used to believe in you,
i used to treat you as a fren,
i have nth else to say.

i loved you
i got hurt
not once,
not twice,
but thrice.
this is th third year.
it's alr the third time.
my last try.
if you still dun tell me your intention.
i'll give up.

i cried over you.
i tried to give up,
but i couldn't.
it hurts,
you know?
so badly.
to know that i am craving for you.
to see your smile.
to talk to you.
to eye-talk.
to know that you could never be mine.
it wasn't meant to be.
there's a option for you to reject me directly.
you didn't.
you can tell me that you want her,
and i'll tell you straight to th face, leave me alone.

i'm tired of this.
veryvery tired.
exhausted.
to the brink of breaking down, crying
ya' know?
you don't.
you always admit that you don't know anything,
then why in the first fucking place,
make me fall for you?
make me fall in love for you?
why.

...
i guess i'll never get a answer.

i told jerald once,
without a guy i can survive,
i jolly well can.
i jolly well can move on.
i jolly well can get over you.
i jolly well don't need a guy.
i don't need.

why does,
my heart still pines for you?
why does,
it still hurts.
why does,
it still pities you.
why does,
i can't ignore your existance?
why.

i forgot how to smile already.
every thing i do seems so fake.
so much that i'm tired of it.
smile,

S: mirk
M:iss
I:ntelligent
L:iar
E:verytime

it doesn't means much to you.
my heart,
does it?
i don't think so.
judging from how i gave it to you and you broke it countless times.
ya' know what.
it's th last time.

tired of school.
sick and tired of it.

i need to destress,
hugging my teddy which i have been taking since i was 3 years old doesn't help.

it's going to be your birthday soon,
oh,
i donno what to do.
what will suffice,
what will help.

looking forwardd to sec4 graduation.
whether i will cry,
or smile.

faking a smile hurts,
hurts,
damn badly.

birthday.
zero prezzies,
got used to it =)

oops

well, blogger finally seem to be able to work finally.

i was so enthus yesterday cause ..

I DIDN'T LOG IN TO COMP FOR 6DAYS.
6 MISERABLEEE BLOODDDDYY DAYS.
GOT LOTS LOTS TO SHAREEEE

LOL -crazys.

dunno whether it's just me.
or whatever,
it seems that i can't let go of things.
i can't forget your existance,
how much it once MEANT to me.

but now..
i guess it's alright,
to be friends again,
to play pranks on you again.
and everything.

i need to say thanks,
thanks for being once a part of my life,
for 28 minus 3 days.
25 days.
thankslots,
thanks for th memories.

--

i figured out my emotions after school reopen-ed.
how could i be so stupid.
so stupid not to figure it out.
how dumb.
from th start, i loved you.
and i'm still loving you.
i don't know when it started,
when you first came to my attention on th first day of school?
maybe.
i thought i was in love,
with th wrong guy.

you mean alot.
anyway, doesn't matter,
i'll still be your good classmate,
your guardian angel.




anyway, ..
i ..
reallly.
feel sad.

crestfallen goes th girl staring in th wide blue sea, pondering whether th sea is able to swallow her up.

LOL! sorreh eh, dumb me.
nobody ever reads my posts ^^.
so i can stop blogging?
pl0x.
ahaha.

PRIVATEEEEBLOGGG.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~

kidding,
nowadays in sch is like .. damn crappeh.

i feel like SCREAMING and SHOUTING to th teachers,
I WANT MORE TO DO, GIMMIE MOREEE.
LOLL.
for english and chinese only x.x

I want learn,
you dn't lemme.
I wanted to know where my standards are,
you didn't tell me.
what you want me to do now?
it's so ridiculous can.
I want study more,
I want do extra,
I want improve on my results,
you don't lemme.
THEN WHAT IS TH POINT OF STUDYING MORE?
damnit.

It's so incredible lonely.
do you know what it feels like,
to feel hurt, to be lost, to be left out in th dark, to be kicked when you're down, feel like you been push-ed around, to feel all th end of breaking down, nobody ever understands you and you don't know what it's like, welcome to my life.

all my best friends and competitors are in th other class.
th only time i can see them is in f&n, history and chem and chinese.
wtf is this man.

i don't know what i'm doing in 3a.
i poke into other ppl's conversations shows that i'm lonely and forlorn.
i answer th teacher's question cause i got nothing else to do, besides staring at th teacher and staring at the whiteboard.

nobody ever cares,
complain all you want la.
see if i care.
scold me behind my back la.
see if i care.
shout at me all th way you want,
i'll take it and just ignore you.

that's my way of survival.

from now,
nobody's getting close,
nobody's gonna figure me out,
i ain letting anybody hurt me again.
it hurts ya know,
to know that your supposedly-friends talking behind your back,
dramatically whispering.
to know that you can't trust anybody with your deepest secrets,
in case it leaks out.

it's sad.
a sad case.

i'm going back to sec1a,
to shut up, to listen, to pay attention to the teacher, to take a book and read all i want, to have a sad frown on my deepdeep CHUBBY lil face, and cry.

let th rain fall down and wake my dreams,

sian-ed

there's a foreword for this:

" I'm glad tt i'm still alive "

seriously,
terribly,
true.

i have no idea whats going on,
at all.
i feel like a netherneal or whatever it's spelled anw.
i'm tired.
and sick.
of pretending tt's nothing wrong,
everything's all fine and well.

what a faker.
-fakes a smile,
see it's so easy.

i miss everybody,
i seriously,
seriously,
do.

today woke up tooo late for ccca fair.
got late.
din eat anything, brush teeth, tie hair wait for bus.
melissa scolded me like fuckxz.
yeah, it's my fault.
sorreh all.
i pull-ed you guys down,
from today onward yuliah taking care of key.
felt not too well after running to take th cage.
was talking to miss yap halfway,
and blank-ed out.
like i didn't know what was going on,
where i was,
what i was doing
my mind,
started letting me see purple blue,
everything was a blank.
my ear shut off th noise band and volleyball was making,
i was scared,
i couldn't see anything.
i'm scared,
i might die anytime.
tt was what i was thinking,
if i was gone,
would anybody shed a tear?
probably not.

everything was in a blur just then.
i went to th toilet.
strangely,
my sight returned.
then i walk-ed out,
clar and manda like very scared.
then i sat at th table,
thinking what had happened,
my stomach hurt like hell then
miss yap gave me money to hail a taxi and go home.
i nearly fainted.
i guess.
then mom still can joke,
i was scared.
sweating all over,
but rested.
and is fine.

i hate shuqun.
frankly.

i have no idea why th hell am i inside this school.
i feel like a freak in my class.
fucking freak.

damnit.

th only freak who got a for english.
th only freak who stopp-ed smiling.
th freak who,
forgot how to smile.

now whenever i think about things,
i start to cry.
:l
dunno what's wrong.

we had sweet memories.
in class 2A,
curse th bloody sch for not letting us split in sec2, it would be great
no feelings attached.
=/

then.
i feel like a freak,
cliques splitting up.
i talk to kirin and cheryl and they all,
but.
however, it's not like nith abi hnin they all.
strangely.

th lessons went quite well,
uh huh.
interesting teachers,
i ..
scared tt.
i might hate english.
from then on.

talk-ed th 'rents,
they said it was okeh.
hais.

i feel dumb.
i saw shilin shikai they all at th prize presentation thing.
feel so idiotic.
so dumb.
):
i miss everybody

hai.
i'm felicia okeh.
th fakey one.
th freaky one.
th fucking one

yay,
say hi to meeee.

...

nothing to say.
byes.

ihatemyself.

first day of sch

wow,
th first day of sch.
(:

amazing.
first saw kirin and th rest.
i feel so short.
=l
then.
we went to classroom la.
form teacher mr tan chiam chye.
quite nice,
i thought he was mean :l
then ..
talktalktalk
i kena sabo-ed by inshirah to be enviroment rep with jasmine.
sian :(

then ..
q up again,
sit with era (index number order)
then.
q up agian,
sit with cheryl (height order)
okeh la.
i love my seat.
;DD

then ..
recess.
yahoo,
talk-ed to jean and peeps.

recess over,
pauline fun lesson.
i tot she was a evil bitch o.o
ended up quite nice.
made us a surprise quiz to test our general knowledge
loser team is eiv de.
originally, they supposed to have "bimbo" and manbo? on their ihand written by black perm marker.
but chang-ed to teacher of a day on friday.
woooooo;
i'm looking forward tuu it.

homeecons,
ms yap was th same,
nice and stuff,
then i got pretty stress-ed when i saw the topics being cover-ed and stuffs.
but later destr-essed.
partner-ing with kirin,
sitting-ing with my dear dear PEIXIAN;
then she ask me to be home econ rep for 3a,
i declined.
cause, enviromental rep le.
:(

then off-school,
talk-ed to hnin.

abit mad at shawn and dd and jiejin they all,
for not turning up for the cheering competition.
wasted my time rushing home,
i could have waited for hnin and talk-ed to her at sch,
instead of going home and talking to her using phone.
:(((

I miss her,
i miss abi.
:((

i promise.
to do my best this yr.
no relationships.
no quarrels.
just study study study.
>:D
no more thinking.
no more emo.
no more sadd.
just study.

I WILL DO IT.
:l

signing off,